


Yours forever, T. Basilton Grimm-Pitch. (Baz)

by SeeYouAtImprovPractice



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: ? - Freeform, Bittersweet Ending, Canon Divergence, Heavy Angst, Like, M/M, Post Battle, SO, Sad Ending, This is really sad, This is so sad I'm so sorry, baz dies, but i'll be back soon i'm sure, eDIT:, i'm in angst mode, i'm using this to procrastinate writing fluff, if you cry i'm sorry, it's kinda bittersweet now, malcolm is kinda sympathetic, maybe? - Freeform, no happy ending, still heavy angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 17:46:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19234054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeeYouAtImprovPractice/pseuds/SeeYouAtImprovPractice
Summary: Simon succeeds in killing Baz. Nobody is happy about it. Baz makes sure Simon is taken care of.(One chapter + an epilogue)





	1. Chapter 1

Simon

I sit alone in our room feeling emptier than I have in years. I know I should be celebrating my victory. I did it, I won. But I can’t seem to leave my bed. I’m trying not to look over at his. Why does it hurt to see it? I guess I’m just not used to him being gone. 

Dead. Baz is dead. And I killed him. 

I stifle a sob. I don’t even know why I’m crying. This is what was meant to happen. This was always what was meant to happen. But something about the tears in his eyes before he closed them the last time stuck with me. I can’t get the picture of his small smile out of my head. I keep hearing him whisper “It’s okay, Simon, please don’t cry.” He died in my arms. 

I can’t stand how peaceful he looked. I hate that I was too weak to hold it together while he died. I hate that I know, deep down, that I miss him. 

 

***

 

The knock at the door is soft, but my head still snaps up. I feel a pang in my chest when I remember that Baz will never walk through it again. My voice shakes when I call for the person to come in, barely louder than a whisper. They must have heard it though, because the door creeps open, and now I’m face to face with the father of the boy I killed. I’ve heard a lot about Malcolm Grimm over the years. It was never anything good. But I feel immense guilt looking into his empty eyes.

I open my mouth to speak, but I can’t think of anything to say. Nothing feels good enough. I feel like saying anything would be an insult. So I close it again and look away.

I can hear Malcolm open Baz’s dresser. I guess he’s come to collect his things. I bury my head in my hands to hide my pain. After what seems like eternity, I hear a small sniffle and my whole body goes tense. Is he crying? I turn around and see tears streaming down Malcolm’s face and raw pain in his eyes. He’s holding Baz’s violin case. I can’t stand to watch it, so I rush to the bathroom to cry privately. 

 

***

 

I didn’t sleep at all last night. I didn’t cry once Malcolm left. I feel completely empty. I go through the motions of the day; I shower, go to breakfast, fake a smile, and even hang out on the lawn. It’s nice out today. The sun is bright. No rain. I can hear birds chirping and a group of fourth years laughing. As if there weren’t an empty seat at breakfast today. As if I hadn’t seen Dev and Niall eat silently, unable to look away from the spot their friend once occupied. As if I didn’t notice the pitying looks all the teachers gave me.

I prefer sitting alone here, in our room. Because here I don’t need to hide my emotions under a too small grin. Even still, seeing his bare side of the room is surreal. And it feels even more surreal when I hear a knock on the door for the second day in a row. This time I stand to open it. 

Dev Grimm stands behind it. “May I come in?” he asks in a whisper. Not trusting my voice, I nod instead. He walks in, perfect posture slipping into a slight slump when he sees Baz’s bare mattress. I wince.

“So…” I trail off. What am I supposed to say?

“Baz, um… Well he asked me to give you this, if he… you know.” Dev holds out a small envelope with ‘Simon Snow’ written carefully across the top in elegant green ink. I take it carefully, handling it as I would a precious antique. Dev sighs. “He asked us to be sympathetic to you, as insane as that sounds. Said you were just doing what you had to. Or at least what you thought you had to. So I guess what I’m trying to say is… Even if I don’t forgive you, I understand.” I say nothing. He walks away and closes the door behind him. 

I sit on my bed and carefully open the letter. 

Dear Simon,

I don’t know exactly how to start this letter. After eight years of torment, how do you apologize? But I suppose that is what I’m doing. Apologizing, that is. The truth is I never wanted to fight you. If I hadn’t been such a coward, maybe we could have even been friends. I wish I had given that opportunity a chance. I know this will be hard to believe. I know I was awful to you. That’s probably my biggest regret. 

I wanted to write this letter so I can peacefully die tomorrow. At least now I know that I’ll have come clean, even in such a cowardly way. I don’t think I’ll have the stomach to confess to you while I’m bleeding out. There’s no easy way to say this, but I need to get it off my chest. You deserve to know that I’ve been in love with you for years. It’s selfish of me to tell you this now, when you can never respond to that knowledge. But I’m too scared that if I said it tomorrow, the last thing I see will be your disgust for me. I don’t want that. I don’t think I could handle that. 

I wish I could have been stronger. I wish I could have told you before now, in any other way. But you deserved to know regardless of how awful the circumstances are. What I’m trying to say, I suppose, is that I forgive you. This was always how it was meant to happen. You’re so alive, Simon Snow. That’s always what I loved most about you. So please, for my sake, carry on and keep living. 

I’ll miss you. 

Yours forever,  
T. Basilton Grimm-Pitch.  
(Baz)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this turned out to be kind of bittersweet. Still really sad though. I don't know. I'm just sad.

Simon

It’s the cold breeze that wakes me. Now that I don’t run hot all the time, I close the window at night. I rub my eyes and sit up. I freeze when I see the boy sitting at the end of my bed. He isn’t looking at me. But I’d recognize him anywhere. 

“The stars are beautiful tonight, aren’t they?” he asks. I don’t respond. “Your freckles always did remind me of them. You have a couple constellations on your arms you know.” He finally turns to face me, and my breath is knocked out of my lungs. He has a shimmer in his eyes I’ve never seen before, and his skin is darker. Healthier looking. He smiles at me softly. “Hello, Simon.”

“Baz,” I choke out, finally letting tears fall.

“Quit blubbering, Snow,” he says without malice. In fact, he looks fond. I wipe my cheeks. “I came here for a reason you know. I don’t have time for your mess.” I laugh lightly.

“I’m not the one who sat dramatically talking about the constellations,” I reply. His face splits into a grin. It’s breathtaking.

“Fair enough,” he says. “Come sit next to me, won’t you?” I scramble over to sit beside him. He rolls his eyes. “I’ve missed you,” he whispers. I launch myself at him to give him a bone crushing hug. He stiffens.

“I’ve missed you too, Baz,” I mutter into his shoulder. He sighs happily and tentatively puts his hand in my hair. 

“Your hair is so soft…” I giggle into his neck. “I’m sorry I can’t be here for long. I wish I could stay… But it’s no use thinking about that now, I suppose.” He pulls me back to look at me, but he keeps his hands on my face. “I came to check up on you. I know what happened with Agatha… I’m really sorry, Simon. You deserve better. I also came to tell you that… Well, I need you to know that you deserve the world. You deserve the most amazing life you can get. You’re not a burden, Simon, and I know you’ve felt that way recently. So I’m here to tell you that even if nobody else in the world thought you were worth it, there’s at least one person who cares about you more than anything.

“Plus, look at you,” he says with a grin. “You’re a fantastic father. Those girls couldn’t ask for a better dad. They think so highly of you. Almost as highly as I do,” he nudges me playfully. “You’ve done so much for the world. Hell, you saved the entire world of mages. That’s all you, love. In what world is a man like that a burden?” He puts a hand on mine. 

“I wish you could be here with me…” I say, tears forming again. “We never got a chance to be happy, Baz. You never got the chance to be happy. I just wish I could fix that…” He looks at me sadly.

“I am happy though, Simon. I get to watch you grow and live. I get the comfort of knowing you’re okay. And now, if you want it, you’ll get the comfort of knowing that I’ll always be right by your side. Through thick and thin.” I nod. “But for now, I need you to promise me something. Promise me you’ll live life to the fullest. I know Agatha leaving you has hurt. But she wouldn’t want you to suffer either, would she? The world deserves to see your beautiful smile every day. You deserve to laugh every day, and you deserve to be told you’re loved every day. You deserve to be happy. I want nothing more than for you to live and love. Can you promise me that? Promise me you’ll try?”

I wipe my tears away. “Of course I will. Promise you’ll wait for me? Wherever you are?” He smiles.

“I would wait forever for you, Simon Snow.” He hugs me tightly. “I have to go soon.” 

I put my hand on his shoulder. “Before you go…” I press a soft kiss to his lips. I feel him smile. We pull back, but he rests his forehead on mine. This close, I can see the stars reflected in his eyes beneath his long fluttering lashes. “I love you too.” He presses a kiss to my forehead. 

“Carry on, Simon.”

He fades away, and I’m left alone on my bed. But now I know that that isn’t true. I’m never alone. I have him beside me. 

As I fall asleep, I swear I can almost feel strong arms around me.


End file.
